Non Hughes

I got another rejection yesterday! That’s 3 for this project so far, so they’re trickling in steadily.

In the meantime, I’m working on my next book. The scene outlines are almost finished, and I hope to start the zero-draft next week. Yet I am plagued – plagued, I say! – by worries that this one will also get only rejections. What if my read on the market is pants? What if my idea of an exciting, original hook is too meh for agents and publishers? What if no one likes my Iron Age world? What if the middle-grade market isn’t recovering from its slump? What if I never make it to that top 0.00001% needed to succeed?

In the face of all those thoughts, why do I keep writing? How do I become one of those authors who put all their love and hope and dreams into 10 books in a row, ploughing through a snow drift of rejections to finally find that one ‘yes’ they needed?

100 Rejections

I’m a rulesy sort of person. If I set myself a rule, I follow it. This is the rule for rejections:

I am not allowed to give up on writing until I have collected 100 rejections. When I get my 100th rejection, that is when I can ask: is this the moment that breaks me? If it is, I will allow myself a break from writing. If it’s not, I will press reset, and will not ask again until I have 100 more rejections.

This is probably outing myself as a tech bro of sorts, but I got into stoicism after my latest depressive period, and I really like this quote:

Don’t panic before the picture of your entire life. Don’t dwell on all the troubles you’ve faced or have yet to face, but instead ask yourself as each trouble comes: What is so unbearable or unmanageable in this? Your reply will embarrass you.

Then remind yourself that it’s not the future or the past that bears down on you, but only the present, always the present, which becomes an even smaller thing when isolated in this way and when the mind that cannot bear up under so slender an object is chastened. – Marcus Aurelius

When I got the rejection, I was tired and hungry and I didn’t react well emotionally. I thought of the work I’d put into this book and the one before it, of my hopes and beliefs, and of the fears I had to overcome just to click submit. I thought of the book I’m working on now, and how it too might fail, and how I might spend my whole life getting only rejections. I might never become a traditionally published author.

And then I sat myself down and asked, in that very moment, what was so unbearable about this one rejection? The reality is, I only have 13 rejections to date, total. Is my conviction really so weak that I’d give up after the 13th? Is that how few it takes to break me?

No, it’s not. So I went and worked on my chapter outlines (after whining in discord a bit xD).

Why write?

When there are so many factors outside of my control, it’s hard not to feel anxious about my goal. It’s not fully in my control, which probably means I should shift my goal.

My actions, thoughts and beliefs are the only things I control. What I value and what I choose to pursue. (oh no my newfound stoicism is showing again)

What goal can I set within the framework of said actions, thoughts and beliefs, which would most naturally lead towards progression in a hopeful writing career?

• Actions: write! Write, write, write. Write, test, edit and revise at least 1 book per year, then query agents with it.
• Thoughts: my value as a writer is not tied to what a small set of agents thinks of one book; rejections are a natural part of striving for anything in life.
• Beliefs: I have resilience to cope with rejection; I have patience to cope with the trenches; I have the ability to learn and grow and write a better book every time I put pen to paper.

The simple fact is, I love writing. I love coming up with stories. When I’m planning and writing a book, I get excited. Solving problems and learning the craft. Weaving together character arc, plot points and thematic elements. Imagining the turning points in every scene, the little cliff-hangers I’ll put at the end of each chapter, the gradual unfolding of the story until the protagonist finally has all the pieces she needs in order to succeed. It’s glorious, and I love it.

I still love writing, and so long as that is true, I must keep going.

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Book Corner

What am I looking forward to in the first half of this year? Here are the books I have on pre-order!

• Puloma and the Bear by Jasbinder Bilan (March 13th) – for a slightly younger MG audience than my usual reading, but I couldn’t resist a story about saving a bear from the circus!
• The Line they Drew Between Us by Hiba Noor Khan (April 3rd) – ashamed to say I didn’t know anything about the partition until the Doctor Who episode about it, and I’m really excited to read a story set in this charged time in history.
• Afia in the Land of Wonders by Mia Araujo (April 10th) – black Alice in Wonderland, count me in. Reminds me of an awesome webtoon called The Blind Prince by cozycroww.
• The Secret Life of Farts by Malin Klingenberg (April 10th) – look, I am a very complex person with a refined sense of humour, okay?
• Once for Yes by Allie Millington (April 21st) – community, strong sense of place and a character who feels out of place, nom nom nom thank you.
• Ollie In Between by Jess Callans (May 19th) – debut MG coming-of-age book with a non-binary protagonist, much excite!
• The Lucky House Detective Agency by Scarlett Li (June 5th) – MG cozy detective agency novel, with a really fun setting in a Chinese take-away. Really unique and fun.
• Netta Becker and the Timeline Crime by Jennifer Claeson (June 26th) – sibling dynamics, ancient history and a title with an almost cynghanedd-like lilt and internal rhyme to it!

Catch you later, friendos!